Obituary for the World's Only Reliable Newspaper

Ever since I was but a wee lad, I've always been fascinated by the completely absurd headlines screaming at me under the name "WEEKLY WORLD NEWS." Whether they claim that the president is actually an alien in league with bigfoot or are reporting on the latest exploits of a certain vampire lad, I never got tired of what sort of insane stories the WWN were perpetrating as truth.

That's why when, as I was reading The Onion (ironically enough), I was faintly horrified to discover that, as of August 3, 2007, the WWN would cease publication. I did some quick searching to verify that this was true, discovered that it was, and sat back to drink this in. I recall scanning the magazines in a supermarket one day, wearily reading the headlines about this or that celebrity enduring rehab or having babies, and then my eyes fell on the headline "GIANT BATS ATTACK AIRPLANE." It was strangely refreshing, knowing that at least one tabloid doesn't take itself so seriously.

I also appreciated the irony of their slogan, "The World's Only Reliable Newspaper." It rings somewhat true, considering that one can always rely on WWN's stories to be ludicrous. They will never let you down. And come on, who can argue that heavy-handed political cartoons or reports on the latest mistakes our government is making are more awesome than "Man stabs himself to death with toothbrush." No one, that's who.

WWN has drawn my eyes ever since I was tiny, and I seem to remember that it wasn't the only tabloid reporting on how Bill Gates was hiding the loch ness monster. I wasn't so surprised, then, when I read on WWN's wikipedia article that one large corporation bought most of the tabloids in publication, and promptly changed them all to celebrity-reporting rags.

Sigh.

I'm really gonna miss that stupid paper.

WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, 1979-2007