The Consequences of Owning a Cell Phone

So just past midnight tonight I heard my relatively new cell phone ring from the other room. I ran in to pick it up, wondering who would be calling at that hour, and the ID read "private."

I don't know anyone named private, so of course I was highly curious as to who was calling. Maybe it was a secret society calling to initiate me. Maybe it was the president. Maybe it was a zombie president, calling from beyond the grave! So I picked up the phone. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hello?
Them: Heyyy
Me: H-hello.
Them: Heyyyyy
Me: Who is this?
Them: This is !
Me: Who again?
Them: Reggie !
Me: I...don't know anyone named Reggie.
Them: Oh. So are you some kind of crazy drug-dealing f***er?
Me: Yeah...something like that.
Them: Wow. Yeah. Are you really?
Me: Not really, no. But you never know, right? I could be anyone.
Them: Right. Okay, bye, you crazy dumb cracker.
Me: Righto!
*hangup*

There you have it. Midnight call from drunken weirdos? I'm thinking very yes. So next time I get a phone call from Private...I will definitely take it. And I will be ready. And knowing...is half the battle. The other half is pretending to be a Harvard Lockjaw at a wine party.