Dragoncon 2007 OR How Important a Balloon Becomes When One Has Been Standing In Line All Day

2007 has truly been the Year of Conventions for Luke Jones. I'm no stranger to these unusual groupings of weird people from all over, but I have never been to so many of them in one year. Not only that, but each convention I've attended this year has increased exponentially each time. Botcon, for example, usually gathers a few thousand unwashed Transformers fanatics. My second 'con this year, Otakon, saw around 20,000 insufferable Japanophiles pass through its doors.

This third one, Dragoncon, sauteed Otakon with a light Botcon sauce and served them to me on a Star Trek Collector's Plate. I had no idea it was the largest and most massive nerd convention in the world before I was actually there. It apparently even beats out the immortal Comic-Con by sheer numbers. And it doesn't make any limits as to what kind of social outcast can attend; this convention saw everyone from ren-fair types to trekkies to stormtroopers (see picture) to goths, all the way to LARPers and--yes--Furries.

The 'con, which takes place in Atlanta every year, spreads over four days of dorky madness, and, like a zombie holocaust, has infected its way across three gigantic hotels. I heard a bewildered attendee mention the attendance being in the 60,000 area. I might mention that at least a third of these attendees were in costume.

And what costumes! I saw everything from Slave Leia to Fox McCloud to the Wicked Witch of the West (the pictures of which I will be posting on Facebook). We missed the Stormtrooper/Slave Leia parade, and Robert and I drooled over joining the "501st Legion," a group of Star Wars fans who make movie-quality Stormtrooper costumes and appear at charities and nerd conventions. The cost of making a costume was too exorbitant for our current statuses, however.

But before we got to enjoy all of the wonders of Dragoncon, we had to undergo one of the foremost nerd convention traditions: waiting on line. My friend Tyler's dad, who was graciously allowing us to stay at his house (since Tyler lives in Atlanta) decided not to purchase advance tickets, and didn't quite realize the scope of the event. Thus, we began our long wait.

The amazingly long line had two thrilling segments, one which snaked around the building (during which Robert, Tyler, and I explored the no-badge-required areas of the hotels), and a second which filled up a large room inside the Hyatt (seen above). This was the most mind-numbingly long line I have ever waited on. During the wait, an intelligent individual inflated a balloon and sent it flying over the crowd. The resulting obsession over keeping the balloon in the air truly revealed the insanity of people who have done nothing but stand for hours. A second balloon soon revealed itself, a smaller red one. This balloon didn't last very long, and upon its destruction, the crowd's boos and hisses were heard throughout the building, and the perpetrator of the balloon-popping was raised up on a steel crucifix, amidst the exultation of the children. A raven from hades was sent to gouge out his eyes. I'll let you decide how much of that previous segment was true.

In the center of the room, visible to those who had made it over halfway through the line, was a large flat-screen television, playing various home-movie segments and pseudo-commercial bumpers which would have made Adult Swim proud. Nearby were two long tables, alternately littered with discarded soft drink bottles and sign-up forms, upon the reverse sides of which were scrawled the miserable woes of the masses. I took one, hastily wrote "WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN," which I considered to be a worthy comic book reference, and moved on.

Most of my experience at the convention involved trying to find the most absurd or well-made costumes, and trying not to look at the 45-year-old women in fishnets. The rest was exploring the two floors of dealer rooms, and attempting to convince Brent Spiner that I wasn't a jerk.

Oddly enough, though Dragoncon is larger than Comic-Con, the celebrity roster wasn't too impressive. Most of them were stars of various sci-fi shows and movies, including Star Trek (Brent Spiner, Jonathan Frakes); Star Wars (Ray Park; David Prowse; Peter Mayhew; that one guy who got force choked in the first movie); Farscape (most of the cast); Battlestar Galactica, Beast Master, etc. Three actors from the Harry Potter movies were present, namely the gentlemen who play the Weasley twins, and the young man who plays Neville, sporting a frightening 5-o-clock shadow.

I came back from this convention with three Godzilla poster reproductions, a camera full of pictures, and a significant boost in self-esteem. I will definitely go again.